Unearned Guilt & Shame
You either Protect or Prey...
The following is all true.
The following will be presented in 6 parts with additional entries to come.
Unearned Guilt & Shame: A memoir about facing your past today.
Part 1:
My name is Fred and I am a survivor of sexual assaults, a rape and stalking.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Born in the month of May, 1963 at Flushing General Hospital in Queens County, NY.
3 younger sisters- the youngest 10 years my junior.
Like most, my birth was heralded- my father, also named Fred, had a son.
My father was 1 of 4 w/ 3 brothers all born and raised in Queens & by all accounts was the favored son.
My mother was the eldest of 3 and was known in the early 1960’s for her quick-wit brain, a beautiful smile and moxie enough to drive 9 lives!
At 2 years old, she drove her husband’s coveted convertible from Queens out to Suffolk County after seeing an ad in the NYT for a tiny house in Greenlawn. Once that house was to small for the ever expanding family, we moved to a brand new freshly constructed 4 bedroom house in Huntington, NY.
It was here that me and my 3 sisters grew up.
Father- sports, family and worked in NYC taking the train in and out every day.
Mother- music, acting, home maker and wicked smart.
We went from city apartment, small house to big new house in a diverse community with good schools- following the hard-working American dream.
1971-1976
Loved sports- football, basketball, baseball. (have a cousin, Fred, who played in MLB late 60’s)
Also learned to dance, play the drums and starred in school plays.
Age 12: 6th grade 12 years old
Part of a youth sports league, Huntington Athletic Club (HAC), for 4 years. A local guy with polio, Mickey Norton, ran the club. In fact, he coached from his car during football season and from a wheel chair during basketball season.
The prior fall, I played football and a new coach showed up, Leo O’Campo.
Leo was not a basketball coach so he next appeared coaching my HAC baseball team. Leo was not tall, stocky with a full head curly (perm type) hair and knubby fingers who always smelled of cigarette smoke. He was not married and was probably under 30 years.
When it came to me and athletics, I was never the star and always a valuable role player (3rd or 4th best on any given youth football, basketball and baseball team)
1st sexual assault:
Set the stage-
I was in Woodhull elementary school (K-6 grades) and 6th grade was the king of the school year!
I loved it- singing in the HMS Pinafore play, school wrestling tourney w/ a massive fart and the time I asked Linda C to meet me at the monkey bars- until the teacher, Mr. G, intercepted the note and read it out loud to the class!
Father working his ass off taking train in and out of NYC. LIRR bar cars alone took 5 years off every dad who ride them.
Mother tending to our newborn + 2 young growing smart daughters.
We had just moved into this brand spanking new big house where we all had our own space.
Era of house doors unlocked, no seat belts and everyone smoked cigarettes.
Mom dropped me off at a little league game and then went on with her busy day.
The game was rained out- coach Leo offered “I’ll give you a ride home”.
This is what I remember:
We stopped for Carvel ice cream.
Back to his basement apartment…
Dark room-hands-smokey mouth-kissing- oral.
I did not tell a soul- What do you say?
“Hey mom, Coach O’Campo just did something weird to me?”
I wish I had.
“Dad, I’m sorry I let coach O’Campo violate and abuse me. Just don’t beat the crap out of him.”
I wish I had.
That was the 1st time my social and moral compass took on a dark/heavy ballast. I believe our soul is that compass and it was just corrupted. Some “freak” switch flipped and a course was set that I had no idea was even set and figured I could control.
AND I stuffed it down...
It is a blur what happened after that and do not recall Leo again until a few months later…
Move into that fall-
Age 13 (had a birthday)
New Junior High School- full of excitement plus the school was right down the hill from our house.
Fall season-football
2nd sexual assault and stalking:
Set the stage-
Fall 1976, Finley Jr. HS, grades 7, 8 & 9, was a melting pot of personalities with a natural ease of diversity and inclusion. Yes- bully’s, dreamers and fun-loving kids roamed the halls of JTF, and everyone could find their own affinity group. In my case, the more the merrier.
Young bucks playing football with new and old friends.
New school/New experiences.
1st time playing for a school team which back then was a big thrill.
This is what I remember:
Leo “appeared” as an assistant coach- volunteer as I recall.
Pit in my stomach trying to avoid him. Leo got me alone in the school basement equipment room.
Chicken wire caging separating each sports various sized pads, red tackling dummies, empty water bottles and sweat stained jerseys-
Hands- smokey breath, scratchy beard, force up against the chicken wire--- and then we were interrupted.
Someone walked in on this rape. (Richie B, special needs friend)
Do not recall much else- still a blur.
The Head Coach Steve Henry was a handsome young African American, Steve Davis who also coached lacrosse was an assistant along with Craig F, who also was affiliated with Mickey Norton’s HAC.
What I also know is that Leo O’Campo was not a coach for that team the rest of the season.
And no one, as far as I know, made a big deal, or any deal about it. My parents were not told. No school official was notified.
I vividly recall being embarrassed, confused and scared. The first months of the first year in this school.
And once again, I stuffed it down and that dark ballast inside me got heavier. And just kept going.
``````````````````````````````````````Part 2 to come at a later date….
Thank you for reading.